Beam Me Up...

The month of October is a difficult one for me.  It is the anniversary month of my father's passing.  Even though I think about him everyday this month seems to be harder on me.  It brings back the phone call from my Aunt and hearing the words, "Brandy, your dad passed away this morning."  It was the worst phone call ever!  

I remember I had never cried so hard in my life.  It was the first time I think I truly felt my heart break.  Some may not believe in "feeling" the presence of a loved one who has passed...but since he has gone, I have finally felt the feeling.  I remember the day I gave Jed my father's wedding ring.  We were sitting on the couch and as he put it on I felt this light breeze on my arm.  I looked up thinking to myself, "I thought I turned that fan off!"  Sure enough...it was off and no window open.  It was him.  After receiving my inheritance from him Jed, the kids and I were out running errands and we stopped at the store.  Jed said to me, "I will be right back...I need to do something."  Do not ask me why but I thought to myself, "He is going to buy me flowers and say they are from my Dad."  What did he walk out with?  A bunch of beautiful flowers and a card from "My Dad"!  There are moments like this when I know it is not just coincidence.  He has to be there with me.

This last week was the next time I felt he had to be with me.  Jed bought me the new Pink cd when it came out a couple weeks ago.  I had listened to all the songs many times.  For some odd reason there was one song I would ALWAYS skip.  I have NO idea why.  Until the other day when I was driving all by myself.  I thought, "Just let it play"  So I did.  I bawled the whole way home.  Here is the song I know he made me listen to:

BEAM ME UP

There's a whole 'nother conversation going on

In a parallel universe.
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
There's a waltz playing frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you're looking at me.

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute's enough,
Just beam me up.

Some black birds soaring in the sky,
Barely a breath I caught one last sight
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I'm on my own,
That's how you tell me, I'm not alone

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute's enough,
Just beam me up.

In my head, I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me, with you

So when I need you can I send you a sign
I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I'll pick a star and watch you shine

Just beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute's enough,
Beam me up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up.

  Now tell me that wasn't a sign!  I love you Dad and you will forever be in thoughts...daily!  I know you are with me and I hope you are proud of the woman I have become.  Love, Your Sweetheart!