1,000!

I've hit 1,000 page views on my blog!  Neat-o!  Thanks to all of you who read my ramblings :)  

The end!

So grateful...

  I know it's not Thanksgiving...not even November yet, but I feel I need to say a few things I am SO grateful for.  It's never a bad time to let the ones you love know you love them.

  I am so grateful for my Momma!  For bringing me into this big crazy world.  For doing the best she could as a single mom.  For being there for me whenever I need her.  For always having advice when I have a big or little problem.  For not forcing me to be someone I am not, but instead guiding me along the way as I chose my own path. Whether she agreed with it or not.  I love you Mom!

  I am grateful for the time I did get with my Dad before he passed.  He wasn't the best father, but he was MINE and he tried the best he could to help raise me.  He is where I got my goofy and ditzy side from.  I am grateful for how much he TRULY loved me even if he didn't always know how to show it.  I miss him EVERYDAY!

  I am grateful for my sisters!  They are as opposite as they come, but I love them SO much!  My youngest sis has been through a lot and caused me a lot of heartache.  We have cut ties on many occasions and as much as I have hated it each time it WAS for the best.  I am grateful however that she has now been sober for 1 year!  We now can slowly mend our broken relationship and I am grateful for that.  I love you Jay-Joy!  My Sissy and I were not always around each other and also had a strained relationship.  Now I wouldn't change a single thing about our bond!  She is the person in my family I am closest to.  She has supported me 100% in everything.  She is always just a phone call away and is my best friend!  She means so much to me!  I love you Sissy!!

  Without my husband I don't know what I would do.  He picked me up off the ground and saved me.  I was so lost until I found him.  He is the most AMAZING man I could EVER ask for!  I never thought I would find such a wonderful husband and I can't even begin to say how great of a father he is to our kids!  I am beyond grateful for the man I married!

  My kids keep me breathing everyday!   They are the reason my heart beats!  They make me smile, cry and they make me so proud to be their mom.  They keep me alive!  They are all 3 so different and with them everything that makes life so hard seems worth it.  Gage, Amya and Ashton...you mean the WORLD to me!

  I am SO grateful for all my TRUE friends!  I don't need to name you...you all know who you are.  You have been there in so many troubling times.  So many happy times as well.  Always there to lend an ear or a smile if I need it.  It's really not about quantity when it comes to friends...it is all about quality...and I have some pretty darn FANTASTICAL friends!  I love you all!

  I am also grateful for the family that I do have there for me.  The family that has not let petty things guide them to the dark side of hate.  The ones who are not judgmental and love me for who I am.  Whether we are blood relatives or not thank you for being there for me!  You are family because you love me and mine regardless of mistakes, or decisions you disagree with.  You love me and mine for who we are!

  I am grateful...for so many people and things in life that I just had to let you know how important you are to me!  I love you all!  Thank you for being YOU!

Do opposites really attract?

  Well...that's what they say.  Jed and I are as opposite as they come!

  Let's see here...Jed loves technology and anything that has a dang apple picture on it.  Me...as long as it is pretty and shiny or glitters I am happy.  I am addicted to trashy reality tv.  Jed...anything that is about how to become rich or how people have become rich he's watching it.  Our taste in music is so opposite!  He listens to the type of music you can't understand a word they are SCREAMING!!  I on the other hand...NOT AT ALL!  Lol.  Movies?  I love horror and romance...Jed, action!  We can agree on comedy :)  

  He likes spicy food and is picky on textures. I love flavorful un-spicy...if that's even a word...food and texture is not an issue for me.  Makes it difficult for cooking meals.  

  He wants to golf while I want to shop.  He doesn't dance or sing...two of my favorite things.  I don't make stop motion videos or play video games...some of his faves!  I roll my eyes at videos he watches...like right now...he is watching a video of some huge-chain-of-gadgets-that-end-in-some-lame-turning-the-tv-on thing.  Lol.  He rolls his eyes when act gangster...I am pretty sure that is only because he is jealous he is not gangster like me.  :)

  I pretty much am the most hilarious person alive...and like to exaggerate...see what I did there?  He...well he tries to be funny.  He is pretty much the smartest person I know...me...well do "street" smarts count?  I am pretty much not smart!  Hahaha!

  I guess what really matters though is if we agree on the important stuff like we love each other, our kids and our doggies!  So...do opposites attract?  I would say so.  We have done pretty good for 11 years and we don't try to change the other one...meaning we are happy we are opposites and don't like all the same things.  

  After all...that would just be plain BORING! 

  

The Haunted World...

  Aka..."The Place I Pee My Pants and Cry My Eyes Out!"  Ok...so YES I love Halloween, scary movies, watching Jed play scary games...but ACTUALLY being in it?  NO! 

   I went to a cheesy haunted house a couple years ago and what happened?  Well, I held onto Jocelyn's back with my head buried into her screaming nonstop and not looking up!  LOL!  That was a small quick little tour of horror.  This one on the other hand...

  It take almost an hour to get through and it's a few different scary freaky places to try to survive! I don't think I can make it!  Not to mention my FEAR of clowns!  Hearing other peoples stories of this wretched place there is a scary @$$ clown that will follow/chase you.  Yea...that is NOT ok!  

  So...needless to say I am SCARED to death to go to this horrible place, but if the family wants to go and scare the crap out of them selves...I guess I have to suck it up and pee myself!  Lol.  

  Wish me luck that I survive!  :)

Beam Me Up...

The month of October is a difficult one for me.  It is the anniversary month of my father's passing.  Even though I think about him everyday this month seems to be harder on me.  It brings back the phone call from my Aunt and hearing the words, "Brandy, your dad passed away this morning."  It was the worst phone call ever!  

I remember I had never cried so hard in my life.  It was the first time I think I truly felt my heart break.  Some may not believe in "feeling" the presence of a loved one who has passed...but since he has gone, I have finally felt the feeling.  I remember the day I gave Jed my father's wedding ring.  We were sitting on the couch and as he put it on I felt this light breeze on my arm.  I looked up thinking to myself, "I thought I turned that fan off!"  Sure enough...it was off and no window open.  It was him.  After receiving my inheritance from him Jed, the kids and I were out running errands and we stopped at the store.  Jed said to me, "I will be right back...I need to do something."  Do not ask me why but I thought to myself, "He is going to buy me flowers and say they are from my Dad."  What did he walk out with?  A bunch of beautiful flowers and a card from "My Dad"!  There are moments like this when I know it is not just coincidence.  He has to be there with me.

This last week was the next time I felt he had to be with me.  Jed bought me the new Pink cd when it came out a couple weeks ago.  I had listened to all the songs many times.  For some odd reason there was one song I would ALWAYS skip.  I have NO idea why.  Until the other day when I was driving all by myself.  I thought, "Just let it play"  So I did.  I bawled the whole way home.  Here is the song I know he made me listen to:

BEAM ME UP

There's a whole 'nother conversation going on

In a parallel universe.
Where nothing breaks and nothing hurts.
There's a waltz playing frozen in time
Blades of grass on tiny bare feet
I look at you and you're looking at me.

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute's enough,
Just beam me up.

Some black birds soaring in the sky,
Barely a breath I caught one last sight
Tell me that was you, saying goodbye,
There are times I feel the shiver and cold,
It only happens when I'm on my own,
That's how you tell me, I'm not alone

Could you beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute's enough,
Just beam me up.

In my head, I see your baby blues
I hear your voice and I, I break in two and now there's
One of me, with you

So when I need you can I send you a sign
I'll burn a candle and turn off the lights
I'll pick a star and watch you shine

Just beam me up,
Give me a minute, I don't know what I'd say in it
I'd probably just stare, happy just to be there, holding your face
Beam me up,
Let me be lighter, I'm tired of being a fighter,
I think, a minute's enough,
Beam me up
Beam me up
Beam me up
Could you beam me up.

  Now tell me that wasn't a sign!  I love you Dad and you will forever be in thoughts...daily!  I know you are with me and I hope you are proud of the woman I have become.  Love, Your Sweetheart!

Bullies...

  SUCK!!!  It is October and that means bully awareness month.  This really touches home with me because I have watched my oldest be bullied to the point of them getting physical with him.  He is a strong boy and thankfully has not unleashed on them.  He has held his breath and kept his fists to his self.  

  Growing up we all have at least one bully.  One kid who makes it their goal for the year to torment you and bring you down and they hope they can break you.  Sadly so many kids can't handle the pressure and start to self harm or even attempt to end their own lives...some succeeding. 

   I too had bullies...I was not a rich popular girl.  I was heavier and didn't have all the "cool" things.  I tried to hold it in and keep a smile on my face while the kids did their best to break me.  I hate to say it, but they won...well almost.  Yes I attempted to end my own life.  One morning before school I took a huge handful of pills and washed them down with a glass of water.  As the day went on I started to feel sicker and sicker until I had to run to the restroom and...yes let it out.  I couldn't hear any of what the teachers were saying and I passed out.  When I woke up...unfortunately at that time that was the last thing I wanted...to wake up, but when I did I was on the couch in the teacher's lounge.  My mom came to get me and I spent the next few days at home.  Here's where it gets even better...

  When I finally did return to school...nervous that everyone knew what happened...they started in AGAIN.  Only now...I was the aspirin lover.  I tried to kill myself and they thought it was something to TEASE me about!  WOW!  Kids are vicious!  Looking back I am so happy I survived.  I see some of my "bullies" now and think...seriously?  Karma slapped you hard!  Lol.  I am happy and have a wonderful family and life that almost didn't happen due to them.  

  I can only hope that as the years go on we can prevent this.  Teach your kids that being a bully is WEAK...it does not make you STRONG it makes you DUMB!  You look stupid and the only reason ANYONE bullies is because they are not happy with themselves!  True!  Teach your kids to stand up for anyone being bullied...stand their ground and help someone in trouble.  I guarantee the more our kids learn to stand up for themselves the more they will push the bullies out.  

  No child should EVER have to go through being treated so horribly by another child and my message to the "Cool Kids/Bullies" think about if someone was doing what you are doing to one of your siblings...or when you have kids...how would you like it?  

  Bullies...grow up!

Hello chilly mornings...

  I love you!  Fall is my favorite...chilly mornings and cool days.  Nights where you have to lounge in pj pants, hoodies and slippers.  Using the BIG comforters that have been stored away all summer.  

  Watching the leaves change colors and fall gracefully from the trees.  People stop mowing the lawns and begin raking leaves into piles for kids...and adults :)...to jump in.  Pumpkins start to appear on porches.  

  This is when my crock pot comes out of hiding...it's on as I write this...cooking my yummy pot roast with carrots, onions, celery and red potatoes!  Mmmm.  It smells delish!  Dinners start to consist of soups and casseroles.  

  Hello cute sweaters and scarves. Boots and coats.  It is a wonderful time of year and it's the introduction to the holiday season quickly approaching! 

  Good bye blistering hot days...hello chilly mornings!