I am truly grateful for all the people in my life who REALLY know me and well...still love me. Lol! I am so lucky to have so many wonderful friends/family who stand by me 100% and I can count on to always be there for me. No matter how bad life gets I always have you guys to lift my spirit!
We may not talk everyday/week or even month, but I know if I need you...you are there! I am here for all of you as well and I hope you all know this. Whether just to lend an ear or to kick the living crap outta someone for you...(ok you all know I am a baby) I got your back!
So, thank you to everyone who has ever gotten the chance to know me...the REAL me and loves me still! You are what keeps me going...know I am so blessed with such wonderful friendships :)
I love you all!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Never had a chance...
So basically I am tired of keeping this in and even though this may make some people unhappy/uncomfortable/angry...I don't care. Why? Because not ONCE have MY feelings been taken into consideration!
11 years ago I met my soul mate. We were young...yes. I had two kids...yes. He took them in as his own and we fell for each other and we were happy. Then...I met his mom!
I never had a chance with that woman. I am a caring, loving, sweet, honest woman. She only saw a single teen mom wanting a father for her kids. Our first meeting was cold and I will never forget how she introduced herself to me, "Hi I'm Rhonda...well Mrs. Steen to YOU!" Oh wow ok! Let's just say the "meeting" ended with me in tears walking out. Not a very good first meeting the parents. Lol!
When they saw Jed wasn't going to just leave me and that he was sticking around she became faker than silicone boobies! She has said things and judged me for 11 years. In the beginning I was a bigger girl...we all know this. One lil piece of advice she gave her son was that bigger girls have more medical bills. Yes...she said, "Don't you think she is a bit big? Bigger people have more medical bills." Wow. She has judged me for having tattoos, saying trashy people have tattoos. Sorry honey...I am far from trashy. The only time she has EVER said she loved me was followed by, "As my son's wife."
I have held my tongue for Jed's sake. But now I am DONE! After the last conversation Jed had with her and her telling him that she thinks he would have been a better man without me! Please!
Yes...in the 11 years we have been married there have been hard times, bad times...we have both messed up and I take full responsibility for my wrong doings. Jed also has taken responsibility for his. That is between US...she only wants to focus on my mistakes and she doesn't know the HALF of it...why? Because she has NEVER given me a chance!
Birthdays have passed, hospital stays have passed ect. without hearing from her. She to me has no heart and if she does...it's frozen!
To me it is SO sad that my ex's mother cares about me and contacts me on holidays and during trying times. Birgit tells Jed and I how proud she is of us. How we are wonderful parents and how much she loves and cares about BOTH of us! That is a woman with a heart! Sadly I have never heard anything like this from my mother-in-law because my mother-in-law could care less.
I have held my thoughts in, let her treat me like shit, done nothing but smile and take it. 11 years now...I am sticking up for ME! I am done being treated poorly by this woman and I don't deserve it! I am not being true to me if I don't stand up for myself!. I don't need her. Sadly what I don't think SHE realizes is it hurts Jed. Jed should never have to choose between his mother and wife, but she has gone too far and now he has distanced himself from her. I feel so bad for him and I love him so much that it just makes me dislike her even more.
I have said the whole, "Maybe someday she will come around." But seriously? 11 freaking years? No. She won't. That was freeing...getting that all off my chest.
Never had a chance...and never will.
11 years ago I met my soul mate. We were young...yes. I had two kids...yes. He took them in as his own and we fell for each other and we were happy. Then...I met his mom!
I never had a chance with that woman. I am a caring, loving, sweet, honest woman. She only saw a single teen mom wanting a father for her kids. Our first meeting was cold and I will never forget how she introduced herself to me, "Hi I'm Rhonda...well Mrs. Steen to YOU!" Oh wow ok! Let's just say the "meeting" ended with me in tears walking out. Not a very good first meeting the parents. Lol!
When they saw Jed wasn't going to just leave me and that he was sticking around she became faker than silicone boobies! She has said things and judged me for 11 years. In the beginning I was a bigger girl...we all know this. One lil piece of advice she gave her son was that bigger girls have more medical bills. Yes...she said, "Don't you think she is a bit big? Bigger people have more medical bills." Wow. She has judged me for having tattoos, saying trashy people have tattoos. Sorry honey...I am far from trashy. The only time she has EVER said she loved me was followed by, "As my son's wife."
I have held my tongue for Jed's sake. But now I am DONE! After the last conversation Jed had with her and her telling him that she thinks he would have been a better man without me! Please!
Yes...in the 11 years we have been married there have been hard times, bad times...we have both messed up and I take full responsibility for my wrong doings. Jed also has taken responsibility for his. That is between US...she only wants to focus on my mistakes and she doesn't know the HALF of it...why? Because she has NEVER given me a chance!
Birthdays have passed, hospital stays have passed ect. without hearing from her. She to me has no heart and if she does...it's frozen!
To me it is SO sad that my ex's mother cares about me and contacts me on holidays and during trying times. Birgit tells Jed and I how proud she is of us. How we are wonderful parents and how much she loves and cares about BOTH of us! That is a woman with a heart! Sadly I have never heard anything like this from my mother-in-law because my mother-in-law could care less.
I have held my thoughts in, let her treat me like shit, done nothing but smile and take it. 11 years now...I am sticking up for ME! I am done being treated poorly by this woman and I don't deserve it! I am not being true to me if I don't stand up for myself!. I don't need her. Sadly what I don't think SHE realizes is it hurts Jed. Jed should never have to choose between his mother and wife, but she has gone too far and now he has distanced himself from her. I feel so bad for him and I love him so much that it just makes me dislike her even more.
I have said the whole, "Maybe someday she will come around." But seriously? 11 freaking years? No. She won't. That was freeing...getting that all off my chest.
Never had a chance...and never will.
Tuesday, September 25, 2012
Tired of being a fighter...
I didn't grow up with a role model in relationships. My mother was a single mother and all three of us girls never really had a father in our lives. My dad was around here and there in the beginning, but once I got pregnant...he vanished. That situation is a whole different story. This is about me being a wife. Or should I say trying to be.
I was lucky to meet Jed early in life...19 years old to be exact. He pretty much saved me. I was a teen mom struggling with wanting to have that perfect man and father for my kids. I had trust issues...thank you to my ex's. I went through a few bad seeds and with each one a new layer of steel slowly covered my heart. Jed has only seen me cry a handful of times and for being married to him for 11 years...that's not much. I try to be strong and I keep my guard up at all times. Afraid that if I let him see me weak and vulnerable he will do what the rest of the guys did...hurt me.
YES I know...you would think that BY NOW I would get that he is in it for the long haul and that he loves me and would never hurt me...for some reason...I'm still too scared. He deserves better. He deserves a wife that will let him be the rock. Don't get me wrong this is very emotionally draining for me too. Have you ever just wanted to ugly cry and held it in? It hurts...and SUCKS!
Everyday I am so grateful for the man I married and seriously ask myself how he has dealt with my tough exterior for so long. I don't think he knows how bad I just want to let go...be so vulnerable and have my heart be freed! I just don't know how.
I guess I will just have to take a leap of faith and trust he will be there to catch me. Just shed the armor and hope he protects my fragile heart.
I'm just so tired of being a fighter!
I was lucky to meet Jed early in life...19 years old to be exact. He pretty much saved me. I was a teen mom struggling with wanting to have that perfect man and father for my kids. I had trust issues...thank you to my ex's. I went through a few bad seeds and with each one a new layer of steel slowly covered my heart. Jed has only seen me cry a handful of times and for being married to him for 11 years...that's not much. I try to be strong and I keep my guard up at all times. Afraid that if I let him see me weak and vulnerable he will do what the rest of the guys did...hurt me.
YES I know...you would think that BY NOW I would get that he is in it for the long haul and that he loves me and would never hurt me...for some reason...I'm still too scared. He deserves better. He deserves a wife that will let him be the rock. Don't get me wrong this is very emotionally draining for me too. Have you ever just wanted to ugly cry and held it in? It hurts...and SUCKS!
Everyday I am so grateful for the man I married and seriously ask myself how he has dealt with my tough exterior for so long. I don't think he knows how bad I just want to let go...be so vulnerable and have my heart be freed! I just don't know how.
I guess I will just have to take a leap of faith and trust he will be there to catch me. Just shed the armor and hope he protects my fragile heart.
I'm just so tired of being a fighter!
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